Active.com Is Not The Boss of Me

Most of the time I just delete the newsletters without reading, but the phrase "Top Ten Marathon Tips" in the subject line caught my attention. Not because I am in any way top-marathon-tips-deprived, but because I was just curious about what ranked in the top ten for them. First up:

After I read this I slunk into a corner & hid in shame. Because guess what my training looked like for that week:

Shut up, Active.com. Don't judge me. I was hurt.

Tip #7:

Don't do anything NEW on RACE DAY?? Holy moley, what *haven't* I done new on race day??

New shoes? Check. New breakfast? Check. New clothes? Check. New sports drink / gu flavors? Check AND double check! I mean, you can hardly even call it a race until you're trying a bunch of new stuff! Everyone likes a little extra excitement!

But seriously, Active.com. I don't have time to be making spreadsheets of everything I'll be needing / using on race morning & tracking which I have tried & how closely the conditions mirrored race day & how it all went & whether I need to make some modifications & try again. I don't have time to plan my race morning breakfast two months in advance or to carefully structure my long runs so that I'm eating the the same thing, waiting the same amount of time, running at the same time of day, etc. Also, the odds that I even own what I'll be wearing in a given race long enough ahead of time that I can wear it in long runs are slim to none. And while I'd like to tell you I'm at least running with the same sports drink & gels I'll race with, that is also kind of a laugh since that would involve enough forethought & advanced planning to go actually purchase said drinks / gels.

I am lucky when I a) do long runs, period, b) have something basically clean to wear that is vaguely appropriate, & c) eat something resembling food beforehand. All those new race day shoes/clothes/breakfasts/sports drinks/fuel/etc., and you know how many people freaking died or were even seriously injured as a result?

ZERO. So STOP freaking people out and STOP judging me. You know what my Top Marathon Tip is regarding trying new things on race day? DON'T BE A FREAKING MORON. Eat some carbs. Avoid spicy things. Drink something liquid. Don't wear Ug boots or bowling shoes. If there's something about running clothes that you're picky about, I bet you've already solved that problem. IT WILL ALL BE FINE.

Which brings us to Tip #10, which I just find really amusing:

I like how we are instructed to "remove all negative thoughts, & replace them with positive ones" "at the starting line & when you're in the middle of the race," but once you get near the end, oh-HO! All bets are OFF, bitches. You settle right in & get nice & comfortable with those negative thoughts if you want to. Because what better place to start telling yourself how much the world sucks & running sucks & YOU suck & ESPECIALLY everyone ahead of you sucks than at mile 20 of a marathon?

Have a great week, everyone. :)