SJRNRHM Week 3 of 14: If life could stop kicking the crap out of me, plzthnx....

Ugh. I can't say I'm not beating myself up a little over this past week's mileage and other various running failures. I've been super swamped with work stuff, which actually should not affect running that much time-wise (I mean, weekdays I'm generally running *maybe* 2 hours tops?), but it's been sapping all my energy and motivation.

On top of that, there have been a lot of social things going on. And don't get me wrong, I have wonderful friends and I love the social things! They are good for me in lots of ways, and when I'm feeling rested and motivated it's not usually a problem to plan ahead and get done what needs to get done. But this week I completely failed at that, and it feels pretty terrible. There is definitely a part of me that is looking back at those posts about big-hairy-audacious goals and trying to peak at 75 miles a week and run a 1:35ish half in October and then looking at myself in the mirror with a raised eyebrow like, "Are you sure you really want that? Because right now you kinda seem like maybe you don't really want it all that much."

It's not that I'm unmotivated; in some ways, I'm extremely motivated, which is why it feels so bad. Instead it feels more like mileage and workouts were something I used to fight for, desperately (because that's the only way it ever happens), and lately I don't seem to have much fight.

But, what happened happened (or didn't), and all I can really do is look forward to the 11 weeks I have left and try to do better.

Anyway.

* * * Rock 'N Roll San Jose Half: Week 3 of 14 * * *

Grand Total: 23.7 miles. Ugh. #fail.

* 21.4 easy
* 2.3 speed

Monday 7/10: a.m. strength / p.m. karate. Off to a great start!

Tuesday 7/11: 3.25 warm up, 6 x 400m @ 6:20 / 1:30 jog, 3.15 cool down = 8.7 speed.

Welp, this was supposed to be a shorter workout than this, but the timing of the day worked out such that there was no way I was driving to a track and I am fundamentally opposed to doing 400m's on a treadmill or on the roads. It's just completely ineffective. So, instead, I jogged the 3+ miles to the track, did the workout, & jogged home.

Normally I wouldn't sweat this but I've been really trying to get that calf muscle to completely 100% heal up & I did not think that it was maybe quite time to start throwing 9 mile speed workouts into the mix. Ultimately, the way I sold it to myself was, "Hey, if it's breakable, might as well see if you can break it." Probably stupid as far as training logic goes, but I DID finish the workout without any pain at all in that calf. So, hey, the week's still going okay!

Wednesday 7/12: a.m. strength work / p.m. karate. Big fat nada.

I accidentally stayed up too late Tuesday night, thus blowing my Wednesday a.m. workout. Then karate got cancelled. Normally if I don't go to karate on Wednesdays, I try to do a short run, but my calf was feeling sore after those 400m's and I was feeling just a bit too paranoid to risk it. I don't really feel bad about not running but I definitely feel crappy about not going to bed on time & missing the strength workout.

Thursday 7/13: 8 easy. Pretty decent easy run?

Friday 7/14: a.m. strength work / p.m. 8 easy. Ugh, nothing.

Ugh, what a complete failure of a day, training-wise. I didn't even stay up late Thursday but woke up Friday feeling like utter crap & decided to work from home. I can do strength workouts if I do that, I just have to go to the crappy crowded gym at my house where everything I need to use is usually in use & the thought just made me feel so hopeless and demoralized that I gave up. #excuses.

While it's true that it was a busy work day, I could have carved out enough time for at least a short little run but I didn't because, basically, I was just mad at everything and kind of didn't want to give running the satisfaction of "See, that wasn't so bad!" YES IT EFFING WAS, SHUT RIGHT THE HECK UP.

And, ugh, I hate how I feel when I'm supposed to run and don't. Frankly, everyone around me hates how I feel when that happens as well.

Saturday 7/15: 7 easy.

I wanted at least 8 but I was slow getting going and suddenly we had to get ready to go help some friends eat an entire lamb. (Yes, an entire lamb! They planned, cooked, & gorgeously plated like eight different courses for 34 people. I mean, we have our pig roast but this was taking home culinary ambition to entirely new levels.) The downside was that we'd planned to get home at a reasonable hour and instead it was nearly 1:00am.

Sunday 7/16: Ugh, nothing AGAIN.

I'd planned 10-12 miles for Sunday, but suddenly we had a social obligation, and getting home so late on Saturday kind of nixed getting up early. The other option was to do it when we got home, but again, we got home later than intended and both felt like crap, and there were only a few hours left before bed time which really had to be spent doing laundry and making dinner happen. So fail, again.

Guys. I DON'T DO THIS. Why am I doing this?