So, what is on my mind, you might ask? Nothing earth-shattering; just the Kaiser Permanente Half Marathon, one of the big local SF races that takes place every Superbowl Sunday (Sunday, February 6 this year).
KP was my second-ever half-marathon & typically features a half marathon, 10K, and 5K. I've run all three distances at least once at one time or another, but for the last few years I've most often signed up for the 10K because "I won't be ready to run a half yet," or signed up for the half and then dropped down to the 10K a few days or weeks out because "I'm not ready to run a half yet."
And by "I'm not ready to run a half yet," what I meant was "I'm not ready to run a half in a time I find acceptable," where "acceptable" was probably somewhere in the 1:37-1:43 range. I've never had much interest in running races at an easy pace just to finish, except in situations where I thought it would be helpful to do a supported long run or long tempo workout. Plus, if you looked at a heat map of my long runs, you'd see probably 90% overlap with the KP half marathon course, and paying money to run a casual long run on the same route I'd probably run anyway just felt kind of....not worth it.
Sometimes I'd think, "Eh, I miss racing half marathons, why not just race it & see what you can do, even if you know it won't be that fast?" And....yes, sure, that's an option, but I just couldn't ever get that excited about it. When I thought about going out and giving 100% effort, running as fast as I could for a 1:45/1:47/1:50 half, it just felt like....why?
And, I think that's okay. When something completely optional and recreational doesn't feel that exciting, it's a good clue that you don't really want to do it all that badly, so maybe don't. Some people enjoy just racing for the sake of racing even when they know they aren't that fit, and if that's you, awesome! But it's rarely been me.
Now, though, things are different. I haven't run a low-40s half marathon in four years. I've been dealing with a persistent injury that has made it very hard to train consistently, let alone do any kind of speed work. My current long run is six miles. At this point, being able to comfortably run 13.1 miles in a row at ANY pace would be huge!
This is where Kaiser Permanente '22 comes in. Will I be ready to run a ~1:40ish half marathon by Feb. 6?
Will I ever run a ~1:40ish half marathon again? I hope so, but I can't predict the future, and I don't want to sit around waiting "until I'm ready" when it's possible that day isn't ever coming.
Will I be capable of running 13.1 miles at all, at any pace, by Feb. 6? POSSIBLY! Plus I already signed up for it way back in June. So 2022 actually seems like a GREAT year to set the goal of running an easy half marathon, no particular speed goals, on my home turf.
There are other reasons it's good timing, like the fact that I'm just no good at this starting-over-from-scratch phase. Not logistically, I mean; other than the temptation to add an extra mile here & there (hint: DON'T DO IT, at least not often), I'm pretty good at writing myself a reasonable, conservative return-to-running plan & then doing whatever is on the spreadsheet that day.
The part I am no good at is the emotional part. When there is no tangible goal in sight, when I know it's going to be 3/4/5 months, best case, before I can really race, it's easy for me to gloom-spiral: "What even is the point of a 3 mile run / a 20 mile week / etc? This is lame and dumb and makes me feel lame and schlubby so I am going to stay home on the couch and pout instead." 3/4/5 months is a long time to stay motivated when the only thing on the training plan is "slow, easy miles" and the reward for being good and doing your slow, easy miles as programmed for weeks on end is just....more slow easy running.
Nine weeks, though! A nine-week tunnel is short enough that one can see the light at the other end, even if the work in between is mostly on the boring side. And while I'd love to be running a fast half again, it sure will feel nice and absolutely meaningful to rip off that 13+ band-aid after [checks training log] two years and eight months.
And...the funny thing is, for all my feelings of "This is boring" and "What even is the point of a 30 minute run," it's actually starting to feel kind of...good? The nice thing about slow, easy miles is that it's possible to just zone out and go. 3/4/5/6 miles isn't much, but it's enough to help me to feel just a little bit more like my old self, who regularly pushed myself to do hard things and very occasionally things I could barely believe I accomplished. I may be running a bit slower these days, but there's still a grinder inside somewhere, and if I can be patient enough, maybe she'll have the opportunity to do unbelievable things again some day.
(Soon? Can it be soon? Let's cross our fingers and say soon. 😉)
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