Thursday, August 4, 2016

It is once again time to make fun of Pinterest.

Before we get to the main event today, I thought I would just mention that yes, I am still love love LOVING running right now & basically want to do it all the time. I ran 183 miles in July and could have run even more if I weren't restraining myself for the sake of not getting hurt before my CIM training even starts. I have run more than that in a consecutive 30 day period a few times in the last couple of years, but I have been logging miles in RunningAhead since 2011 & the closest I've ever come to running that much in one calendar month was October 2011 at 178 miles. Here's hoping that my enthusiasm & free time continues to cooperate between now and December 4.

But enough about that. Friends, the time has once again come to paste some dumb fitspo / runspo into a blog post and examine the wisdom therein.

I will skip the part where Jillian Michaels tells you how to lose 5-8 POUNDS THIS WEEK!!! by drinking nothing but kale juice and despair and jump directly to the hilarity.

(You're welcome.)

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: False. If you're in the middle of a tough training cycle and think you might feel a niggling injury coming on, for example, this is EXACTLY the question you should be asking. If you are signed up for a marathon this weekend and come down with the flu on Friday, this is EXACTLY the thought that should be running through your head (for about two seconds before you remember you're not a complete moron). There are times when you probably shouldn't be running, even if you want to or are "supposed" to, and doing it anyway doesn't make you "hardcore" or "baddass" or whatever; it just makes you kind of an idiot who can't think beyond the short-term.

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: Why would you even say this? This is not a thing people are worried about. Like, I could see a hat that was all, "No lady ever got so ripped she looked like a man from lifting weights two hours a week," because that is a thing that, although equally impossible, some people are actually worried about. But drowning in sweat? No. No one is worried about that.

(Also, gross. Why would you even bring up that image?)

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: Look. A, you don't have to "suck it in." And B, if the implication here is that having to "suck it in" means you're not skinny, I've got some news for you. Plenty of hardcore, baddass people in this world "suck it up" early & often & are not skinny. And finally C, if all your chosen form of physical activity is for you is something you have to "suck up," then maybe it's not the right form of exercise for you & you should look for something different that you actually, like, enjoy.

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: I've said it before and I will say it again: Quitting the right things at the right times is a life skill that all adults should seek to master. It's not a character flaw. (I also just kind of have beef with the phrase 'character flaw.' If you tend to quit at the wrong times or refuse to quit at the right times, maybe it's something you should reflect & work on in your life, but 'character flaw' has an unfortunate note of finality about it.)

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: If something hurts every morning you are doing it wrong. Seek professional help plzthnx.

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: It's...I just....what?

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: What does this even mean? How do you forget your are running? Is that actually a thing? Does this happen to people?

And speaking of beginnings...

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: I understand the sentiment, here, but let me just say, I have done some damn fine living nestled right inside my comfort zone. Mostly involving brunch and/or wine.

(Seriously, though, so much love for whoever straight up pinned this recipe for banana split bites right up in the 'Health & Fitness' feed. Sir or Madame, you are my spirit animal.)

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: FALSE. I tried this once and it turns out that if you throw all your bills in the trash you actually end up losing some stuff you might want like electricity and running water and your car and your house.

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: What the actual f***? Are you a runner or a terrible high school poet? LESS TALKING MORE DOING.

(Also, running until you cry and/or collapse = doing it wrong. Like. Really wrong.)

Pithy Quote:

Real Talk: Stop when I'm tired? *When*?? Bitch, I can't REMEMBER the last time I wasn't tired. How does tired even enter into it? If I stopped when I was tired I'd spend the afternoon passed out on the couch every damn day. Shit.

Any other awful Pinterest memes/fitspo you'd like me to mock? I'm here all week.

5 comments:

  1. "When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire" is a song lyric: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Ex-Lover_Is_Dead. No idea how someone made the connection with fitspo though.

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  2. Love this debunking. There's so much stupid out there disguising itself as inspirational. Much of it is a recipe for really hurting yourself. Thanks for this post!

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  3. Thanks for the LOLZ. Glad to hear that you're still loving running!

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  4. Hi Angela, Turns out you and I are a lot alike.

    At least in the way we think. The last time I ran anywhere was to get across the street in heavy traffic, and even then, I needed two days' rest to recover.

    I wrote a humor column a couple weeks ago about the inanities of motivational quotes, so it was cool to see someone else who dislikes them as much as I do. Thank you, and nicely done!

    http://laughing-stalk.blogspot.com/2016/07/motivational-quotes-inspiration-for.html

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  5. Hahaha you rule. Well done. This was hilarious. I hate the internet sometimes (most of the time).

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